


Between the Stars

by thosepoorsouls



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Angst without plot, Did I Mention Angst?, F/M, Searching, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14539956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thosepoorsouls/pseuds/thosepoorsouls
Summary: He looks for her on every planet across the galaxy.Five drabbles about the searching and longing and not finding.





	Between the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I have counted and recounted the words so it should be five true drabbles. I am, however, posting this at 2:30 am so I can give you no real guarantees.
> 
> (The show and the characters does not belong to me and I make no money off of this.)

I.

Space is big. Cold and uncaring and empty. He looks for her in the void between the stars; jumping from planet to planet, from gate to gate. He asks everyone he meets the same questions: have you seen this woman? She is this tall and has a sharp wit and an even sharper mind. 

The thing about her he misses the most is her strength - beautiful and unwavering. With only his own strength to rely on he feels lost and empty. Weary and worn out. He can do nothing but to look for her through the vastness and the blackness.

 

II.

He's been fine, most of the time. Step through the gate, step back through the gate. It's the same but not the same. Eating in the mess. Watching football. Sparring. Not taking unnecessary risks. Not going on suicide missions. Not coming home to _her_. 

Something blows up in the lab again and life goes on but he feels like he's missing a couple of his major organs. Like lungs, and a heart, and her - always in a memory, or in her office, or on their balcony, or _on every planet he hasn't visited yet_ but never actually here, with him.

 

III.

There's a party but the joy doesn't reach him out here. Inside there is music and wreaths and jinglebells and presents. Above him are stars, below him the ocean. The stars are down there too, dancing on the waves. 

\- Hey Shep! We're gonna reveal the secret santas now!

\- Yeah, I'll be there!

He put's the tiny bow-wrapped figurine down on the balcony and rejoins them. He hopes she is out there. He hopes she gets a lot of presents this year. It starts raining and when he comes to retrieve the figurine it is wet and the bow is soggy.

 

IV.

If he ever found her there's a spot just behind her ear his thumb would stroke. There's a kiss he'd place on her forehead. He was never a tactile person before. If he ever found her he would tell her what that hug meant to him. He'd hug her back. God, why hadn't he hugged her back?

There were other things he'd tell her: how he never used to have a favourite person. How he still could feel all the places she had ever touched him and how they burned now that she was gone. How much he loved her.

 

V.

He searches for her far beyond every last star, but all he finds is his own feelings of inadequacy and smallness. Over the New Lantean sea a cold wind blows. He asks the stars: where is she? He asks the sea: have you seen her? But the stars are quiet and the sea is blind and no one nowhere has heard of the woman as strong as the sea and as wise as the stars and so he turns to the one thing in the galaxy he still has not asked and he asks her:

Where are you?

Come back.


End file.
